Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize