Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
