he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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