it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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