I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
