Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize