It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
