I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
