just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
