We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
