Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize