Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
