I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
