She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize