This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
