It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
