if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
