afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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