It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
