Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
