new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
