i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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