Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
