Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
