Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
