i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
