booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
