he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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