Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
