You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
