I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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