Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
