Say something about gay babies.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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