White coat. Heels.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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