what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
