All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
