I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
