Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
