i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
