U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
