Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
