Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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