i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
either way he was missing a nipple.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Houston, we have a blender
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
