He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
