update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
