So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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