I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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