I want to have your abortion
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was confusing and full of hummus
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
