ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize