I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
