There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
