yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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