I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
