I'm gonna have a badass scar
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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