Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
