Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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