there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
