He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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