This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
