I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
