ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
