I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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