im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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