what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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