my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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