I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
