my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Duck Duck Cougar?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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