im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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