I just pynch a tree in the face
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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