I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
