Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
