does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
