She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
