Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
