he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
