i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
