My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
